“No matter how thick skinned we try to be, there’s millions of electrifying nerve endings in there, open and exposed and feeling way too much. Try as we might to keep from feeling pain, sometimes it’s just unavoidable. Sometimes that’s the only thing left… just feeling.”—Meredith Grey (via julie911) (via quote-book)
“When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better.”—Malcolm S. Forbes (via kari-shma) (via quote-book)
“I guess that’s what saying goodbye is always like - like jumping off an edge. The worst part is making the choice to do it. Once you’re in the air, there’s nothing you can do but let go.”—Lauren Oliver (via thresca)
Lately, I’ve been trying to find room in my heart to forgive you. I made this effort, when you finally started making an effort.
This has been the hardest year of all on our relationship, after this year, its a built up amount of at least 10 years of anger & hatred, mainly because thats as far back as I can remember it. During the summer we hit the lowest point in our relationship, although I’m positive it could have gotten lower. During the summer my anger at you built up more than it ever had and it altered other things in my life. & After the summer, I gave up on any chance of us having a normal relationship. After the summer, I slowly started to accept the fact that i hate you. And they say that hate is easy, but love takes courage… but they’re wrong, it is not easy, it will take a lot out of you. Anyways… sometime after December, you began to grow up. You finally started treating me the way that you’re supposed to treat me, at least a little bit. I would pray that God would take away the hatred in my heart…Then lent came around, and you started going to Church with me, and I know its corny, but I believe that that was God bringing us together again. Little by little the hate was leaving. Then lent was over and we both got busy and you stopped going to church with me. And I’d see glimpses of the you i hated, but then I’d see glimpses of you that I could love. And then you graduated, and you’re saying sorry for little things and thank you for little things, these little things that I’d never expect you to say sorry or thank you for. You even said sorry for something that was my fault, that i was expecting you to explode at me for. And I guess your graduating really was you growing up. Because there is such a change in you.
So, where are we now? I’m sure that you will never be completely rid of that person i hated, but our relationship is getting better. After these past couple of months, i know that i no longer hate you… And since i don’t hate you, slowly, I will be able to forgive you. Slowly I’ll be able to forgive you for all these years that you’ve made me feel worthless and inadequate. Slowly, I’ll forgive you for the years that you’ve made me hate myself and hate you. Slowly I will forgive you for being the person that you were. Slowly I will forgive you for the person I became because of your negative actions. Slowly I will forgive you for the nasty things you said to not only me, but to the other people that I love. Slowly I will forgive you for ruining many important dates and events in my life. Slowly I will forgive you for not giving me any reasons to love you. Slowly, I will forgive you. And after I forgive you, slowly I will begin to love you. Because we’re family, and we’re supposed to love each other. & I want to love you and I want you to love me, but I know this will all take time.
Although I know we will never have a “i’m so sorry for this this and this,” I know in my heart that it will be understood, something that will remain unsaid. And although I’ll never show you this, and i don’t want you to see this, I feel as if this too will be one of those things we don’t have to say out loud, or ever actually acknowledge. The fact that I can even write this, is enough for me right now. So thank you for growing up, and giving our relationship a chance. Slowly, but surely we will get there.
“The problems start when we refuse to let change happen and cling to old habits. But, if we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come.”—Gossip Girl (submitted by: xheels-overhead) (via quote-book)
“Everyone’s got some baggage; it’s part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when someone gives you a hand with it.”— How I Met Your Mother (submitted by peace.love.music.faith) (via quote-book)
“Not to give up under any circumstances should be the motto of our life: I shall try again and again, and I am bound to succeed. There will be obstacles, but I have to defy the obstacles.”—Sri Chinmoy (via thresca)