Write to twenty people things you’d always wanted/needed to ask/say to them but never would. Don’t drop names, don’t elaborate and, most importantly, don’t ask.
1. Becoming good friends with you this past year or so has meant so much to me. You honestly have helped me so much, whether you know it or not… I know I could not have gotten through the year without you. Knowing that we’ve shared that need for each other… Thank you for being a friend.
2. Ha. You’re ridiculous. I can’t believe I actually let you into my life before and gave you so many chances. Thanks for being a twit, I’ve out grown you. When I hear stories about you, I shake my head and laugh. You’ve got alot of growing up to do. One day life is going to hit you hard… and I really hope life hits you so fucking hard … because when it does… I’m going to laugh.
3. I didn’t think I’d ever become so close to someone after less than a week, who wouldn’ve thought our friendship would last this long? I know I didn’t. Thank you for giving me hope. Hope in people and in life. I love you so much, and i know distance doens’t matter, you’ve truly showed me this.
4. BITCH, you’re fucking crazy. Okay, I wish you could see yourself sometimes… because its ridiculous. I know everyone has their flaws but damn. I really think you’re medically crazy because I dont understand your actions. So malicious and CRAZY. I hang out for you because I feel sorry for you, and no one should be alone, but I dont know how much more I can take. I truly hope you change some day. Good Luck.
5. I think you’re homosexual. I think you move onto relationships so quickly because you’re scared of what you might feel if you let those of the same sex in. I think you dont want to admit that you’re homosexual because then you’d have to admit to everyone that you’re wrong… which you hate doing. I want you to know that I love you no matter what, if you like guys or girls, it doesn’t matter. I still think you’re beautiful inside and out.
6. You’re truly one of my favorite people, and I’m so glad that we’ve become such good friends the past 4 years. You’re one of my best friends and I could not ask for more. Seriously, going to lunch with you last week is one of the highlights of my summer. I love you and you’re one of the people I’m going to miss most, but i know you’ll always be in my life.
7.You’re a complete and total bitch. I don’t care if we’re blood related. I HATE YOU. I’ve tried so hard to be nice to you. My whole life I’ve tried, but thats it, I’ve had it. I’m d o n e - DONE. I don’t know how you have friends or how anyone could possibly love you. I feel sorry for you sometimes because you’re so fucking pathetic. I wish I could disown you, hell I’ve asked if I could. But I’m stuck with you. Fuck you.
8.Sometimes you are so freaking annoying and you talk about yourself way too much. & sometimes i wonder why we’re friends… but i know in the end you’re a good person and you just get a little crazy sometimes… you like attention, and it can get annoying, but we have fun together and you have your good moments, so its all good.
9. I know our friendship has had our moments… but I love you anyhow. I love screwing around and acting like an idiot with you. I’m sorry I wont be with you next year, and i hate it, but you’re gonna be great.
10.You’re a quiet one, but I’m glad we became friends. Sometimes you’re a little selfish and I wonder if you actually care, but I know you do in the end. I wish you wouldn’t gang up on yourself so much… you really shouldn’t. You’re a great person.
11. We’ve had ups and downs. But don’t think for a second that I do not appreciate our friendship, because i do. I know we both get a little busy, but I will always love you no matter what no matter how long its been since we’ve talked or seen each other… forever means forever.
12. Sometimes I wonder about our friendship… is it just convenient? Because sometimes i think it is… we’ve grown apart and come together and grown apart again… I dont know if our friendship can last if it keeps going like this.
13. You know I love you. But things happen and we’ve grown apart. We’re trying to fix it, but I’m scared that I put you at a higher priority in my life and you don’t. I know we’re going to be friends forever, but sometimes I wonder…I hope we can get past this.
14. I’m glad you consider me a big sister to you. I’m glad that you came into my life. As annoying and quirky as you are, you’re an important part of my life and your constant reminder of how much i mean to you, makes me cry because i know i dont remind you nearly as much as i should. Hey kid, I love you.
15. I love you. You’re truly one of the most important people in my life. I’d do anything for you. You’ve always watched out for me growing up, and even though you’ve felt like you had to… you didn’t have to… but thank you. I’ve watched you struggle so much, and sometimes I wish that we were close enough that I could help you. I love you so much.
16. We became close this past year due to us being on the same team. You were the one person I wasn’t really friends with, and now we’re the closest on the team. I love our starbucks dates and dishing out gossip with you. You mean so much to me & I’m glad that we got to experience all that we did together.
17. Sometimes I worry about you so much. You’re a smart kid, but you don’t make the smartest decisions. You get so down on yourself, and i hate to see you that way. I hate it when you push me away because you know I care so much. I want you to remember that we’re going to be friends forever, so stop being so sappy, I’m always going to be here for you.
18. I know your parents are not a subject that you like to speak about, but i feel like your negligence towards it makes you act immature when dealing with situations. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’re friends, but its so hard to be friends with you when I can’t talk about serious shit with you.
19.I wish I could hate you, but I can’t. I wish I could blame you for the disgust and worthlessness I feel… but I can’t… At least not fully, because it was partly my fault. But, i can say this… You’re disgusting and low. I dont ever want to see your fucking face again. Go away fucker.
20. You make me feel comfortable… at least when I’m with you. But when we’re not actually face to face, I question your actions, I’m so paranoid about our friendship… I wonder if in reality you’re just laughing behind my back. I hope not, because you told me i could trust you and that you could trust me, and i loved having heart to heart time with you. I really like you…Please stay.
- I kinda half assed this because I had to pick up my cousin from the bus station in rockville cause she was coming from new york. For the most part… i tried. Edit later? Eh.
So, i went to six flags today. We were discussing, while we were on rides, how things looked much larger and scarier when we were younger. I remember, the ride thats kind of like splash mountain, I went on it before, and back then I was so scared going up, I’d get the knots in my stomach so scared… but then going on it today, we went over and over again on the ride, like no big deal, like why did I even fear it at all before? So it made me think… these things that i fear now… maybe they’re not so scary. Maybe, there really isn’t anything to fear, but fear itself. I think we I just need to let myself grow up a little bit more so that i can stop being afraid of these things. I need to stop letting fear control my life.
- be too excited when my phone vibrates, hoping it’s him - …then smile too widely when it is him - spend hours trying to figure out what to wear when i’m seeing him - suddenly getting nervous when the time i see him comes close - in every moment i enjoy with other people, i think “i wish he was here.” - save his text messages, even the ones that just say “mmkay.” - accidentally zone out during class, thinking of him again - ….and not caring at all when i realize what i’m doing, letting myself go on with day dreaming - go out of my usual route just to catch a glimpse - every time i hear a sad song, think “this one goes out to you.” - find a silly event in my day to tell him about - want a hug from him when i’m scared shitless - stay up until 4 am even though i have responsibilities the next day - just because he’s up - love the way he’s at ease with my friends - hear his voice saying “you can do it!!” whenever i feel like giving up - waste every single 11:11 wish on him - reschedule, reschedule, reschedule.. just to set a time that’s good for him - try to figure out the color of his eyes. blue? green? gray? - replay everything he said in my mind - memorize his fucking smile
i have no right. it’s not my place. “i’m not gonna say never.” well, right now’s all i have. if there’s nothing there, then there’s nothing there.
Oh, nella. You should change the title to Things I Girls Shoudn’t Do. AMEN.
right but dont think short cuts are gonna be the end of it
what do ya mean
like ur doin what u should have been doin at the same time u workin around the isue
these are very very good steps and im proud of u for that
mike, i really do appreciate all of this, i know i just dumped this shit on you, but i feel like you really care and i really appreciate that. you're a really good person and i hope you know i would do anything for you, if you ever need someone to talk to. seriously, i love you so much, thank you. <3<3
lol i love you too.. and i do really care and always will be here feb fam 4life
I think this is so true. I mean we beat ourselves up over these things in our lives. I know i beat myself up so much, especially lately, and i’ve been feeling so bad and shit, and i’m the one making me feel this way. All these events may happen, but i mean they happen and we move on, yet i’m still thinking about it… so i am worst enemy i suppose.
“That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time”—‘Never Been Kissed’
Why did I even make a tumblr? It’s not like I don’t already have a place to vent, or share my stories.
Because this site looks prettier :)
Although I probably won’t be as open as I normally am with my other site, let’s start getting to know each other. Who exactly am I talking to? Who is it that I’m getting to know? or rather, who is it that’s getting to know me?
Let’s start with confessions, because to be honest, there are some things about me that I want people to know.
I’m terrified of the future.
There’s nothing more scary to me that what I don’t know. Growing up to me is one of the few things I’d rather not face. What suddenly caused this anti-adult sentiment? Jolo’s graduation. Hearing the speech and witnessing every student walk up there and claim what they’ve been working on for the past 13 years is a true accomplishment. But what happens next? I’m so use to having my future planned. Next year, I’ll go to 11th grade and take all the classes I’m assigned to take. Senior year, I’ll do the same. But what about college? What will I major in, what school will I go to? I don’t handle change very well, and with nobody to blame but myself, I’m afraid college may be a challenge.
This reminds me of a situation from ‘Death of a Salesman’. It’s the chase that matters, for once you reach your goal, what next is there to do?
High school has changed me.
This is probably a given, but not only has my persona changed, but my complete outlook on [not trying to be cliche or anything] life. In middle school, my environment was so closed, and I was in my comfort zone. It was easy to exceed expectations because they were so low. Entering high school in [for once] a magnet program opened my eyes so much. Teachers expect nothing less than our best, and my classmates treat school as nothing but a competition. It brought back all the insecurities and doubts in myself that were hiding behind my perfect middle school life. It showed me that there is a bigger world outside there; full of smarter and more talented kids. Snowflakes are unique in every way, but when put together in a box, they all melt into water. Well here I am in this box; no different than the others that melted into it. At one point, the concept took over me. I almost completely gave up when trying to stand out. What’s the point? There will always be somebody out there better than me. They say the average person would take this concept as encouragment to strive to be the best, rather than just give up. Whoops. All this has changed. This year, I’ve promised myself to do nothing but strive and achieve that goal. It may be too late to improve my college application, but never too late for myself.
I act differently around different people.
But who doesn’t, honestly? When I’m in my comfort zone, I’m completely confident, and open to those around me. When I’m with those friends in that zone, I feel empowered. I feel like I’m top of the world and nothing could stop me. In middle school, teachers told me I was a ‘born leader,’ and to be honest, I thought I was too. My parents still feel that way. Is it possible to be an on-and-off one though? Can I only be a leader to my convenience? No. So does that ultimately make me a leader? When outside my comfort zone [in a place I’d like to call school] I’m so insecure. I try so hard not to let both sides of my zone see the other ‘me’. Seeing my 180 between my comfort and uncomfort zone is really disappointing. I feel bad that my parents and brother have to witness this on a daily basis.
I don’t like people knowing my problems.
I feel like if there was one thing I could manage, it’d be my dignity. By allowing people to know my life story, I put myself in a vulnerable position. If I can’t be the best out there, I don’t want people knowing I have a problem with it. If a friend or stranger insults me behind my back, I’m not going to stoop to their level and gossip about them. If there was anything that’d make me want to scream or cry, I’d rather do it alone. I know the saying about bottling up emotions; no need for a recap. It’s just who I am. If you feel excluded from my life or feel like I’m avoiding you, I’m sorry. If you think I’m not telling you anything because I don’t like you, please don’t. I do this for myself. The only consistent image I seem to portray both inside and outside my comfort level is being strong. One day I figure it’ll all come back to me and explode; but until then, I’m staying this way.
If anything I try not to hate people.
I don’t like holding grudges or being mean. I don’t like it when people talk bad about others, or when there’s drama. I’m not the righteous person to take a side and stick with it; nor am I the stubborn one to not listen to others and only occupy myself with my own beliefs. I listen to both sides, observe, and from that I move on. If it doesn’t involve me, it isn’t any of my business to butt in or join.
My brother is one of the very few that inspire me.
From the outside it may seem like I’m the older one, or I’m bossy towards him, but Jolo does nothing but inspire me. He’s my closest friend, and knows the insides and outsides of my life. Like I said, he knows both sides of me, and I thank him for dealing with me. His outlook on life is so simple that it brings me relief when I talk to him. Needless to say, he has a big heart and his intentions are nothing but genuine. My previous confession was because of him. I try so hard to be like him; to not worry about insecurities or be bothered by setbacks. To have his positive outlook on life yet still manage to be taken seriously when the time needs be. My only fear for him is if somebody were to take advantage of his kindness and generosity; which probably explains why I’m so protective of him. I try so hard to look out for him, because he of all people doesn’t deserve to be manipulated.
I guess that’s all for now. My fingers can only take so much pain ;) Nice to meet you tumblr, and I look forward to working with you in the future.
1. I’m terrified of the future.
Seeing as I just graduated, I’m telling you this now, because i wish i listened to this advice when i got it -> Dont worry about it just yet. You’re still in high school and honestly its going to go by so fast so just enjoy it and live life to its fullest, ya know? As for college dont even worry about what college you’re going to and major you’re gonna do and that shit, alot of people go in not knowing what they wanna do, hell, my brother went through at least 3 different majors before he finally settled on one. You’ll figure it out, I promise, life works mysteriously like that. And as for change, change is good, it means you’re forced to grow, which is always good, im sure most people dont like change. Just go along with the flow of life.
2. High School has Changed Me
Its good to strive and acheive that goal, but HAVE FUN. There’s always going to be someone better and more talented, the trick is to not to pay attention to that, Dont let them scare you off by what they can do, rather show the world “Yo, I’m anika, and i’m fucking awesome” :P
3. I act differently around different people
comfort zones are comfort zones, lets face it. BUT there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We’re only humans, we get scared. Dont feel bad for your parents and brother witessing how you are, they love you unconditionally.
4. i dont like people knowing my problems
hey. hey. honestly and truly i know where you’re coming from, because trust me, i’m the queen of bottling things up. Unfortunately, it really is not good for anyone. BUT i’m hoping you’ll find a way of dealing with things, your other blog i hope is where you vent because i know thats what i do… i mean until i explode lol
5. if anything i try not to hate people
Amen. The world could use more people like you.
6. My brother is one of the very few that inspire me
*So i hope you dont mind that i reblogged… just some thoughts … ya know? But you’re awesome, and I really liked this post, you’re beautiful inside & out darling <3
Why can’t I make you go away? GO AWAY. Please, just go away. I’m trying to escape from you, but you keep popping up. GO AWAY. Can’t you see what a mess you’ve made? GO AWAY. I don’t want anything to do with you ever again. PLEASE GO AWAY.
Knowing a persons story is different then experiencing the story. Understanding & sympathizing with the person is different then knowing exactly how the other person feels. Being assured by that person that they are fine is different then actually knowing if they are fine. Physical scars are different from the mental scars.
Its like a dream. Its like a dream because it feels like it didnt happen. Its like a dream because i can barely remember it. Its like a dream because I HAD NO CONTROL over it. Its like a nightmare because it never should’ve happened… i wish it didn’t happen. Its like a nightmare because I am disgusted. Its REALITY because it happened and there’s nothing i can do to take it back, though i would if i could. But Nothing. Nothing. n o t h i n g.